April 22, 2011
It’s Good Friday, and for me, a day that instills a sense of reflection and deep pondering. That’s especially needed for me, as I’m not a normally self-reflective person. And even more needed is it this year, right now, when I’m in the middle of finals and the days blur together with the hours of studying. I went to the service at church today and realized that I really haven’t spent much time thinking–really thinking– about my spiritual life in a long time. I haven’t pondered my sin, I haven’t wrestled with God, I haven’t had truth spoken to me from deep personal friends. It’s sad, but at the same time, I felt really renewed today and eager to be more reflective and to be convicted of things in my life. I realized that during senior year, I spent a lot of energy running away from times of reflection, probably because there were so many of those types of conversations going on. But now for the past year, when those conversations and friends haven’t been a door away, I yearn for that again. I think it’s interesting how these seasons of our life change, and how although sometimes I’m wistful for the last season, one is not better than the other because God uses them all.
One of my favorites hymns, one we sung today, and never fails to convict me of the weight of the Cross and the love of God:
How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasureHow great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to gloryBehold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffersIt was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finishedI will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrectionWhy should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
March 22, 2011
so true
It is the simple, dreary day, with its commonplace duties and people, that smothers the burning heart— unless we have learned the secret of abiding in Jesus.
~Utmost for His Highest, March 22
August 22, 2010
First week of med school is done! Only 151 weeks left to go…
I’ve moved into my new apartment, I’ll post pictures later. It’s really nice and comfy, but we’re on the ground floor and facing the woods, which is kind of sketchy at night. Classes have been ok, not too much to freak out about yet. Our first exam isn’t until the first week of September, and then its one test a week after that. I can see how it would get crazy then. It’s nice that our class here in Bloomington is only ~30 people, although the class size and all day schedule reminds me of being in high school again. With the exception of several people being married and some having kids already.
The thing I’ve realized the most this past week is how lonely life here is (and in general, probably how lonely life post-Princeton is compared to the constant camaraderie we had there). Making new friends is daunting, especially when there’s no organized group of Christians that I can be a part of. I was listening to Tim Keller’s sermon on friendship today and one part really rang true (the whole thing’s great! definitely listen to it). He said that one of the emotions that came to him after he read all the verses in Proverbs about friendship was an intense longing for true friends, because especially now with increased mobility, the friends we make are too quickly whisked away from us. Isn’t that totally true about our lives?? I just have such a “home-sickness” for what my life was at Princeton that it may be coloring how I approach making friends here. Part of me is like “well don’t bother making great friends cause you’re just going to leave again (and who has time for a social life anyway?)” and the other part really yearns for true fellowship like I had before. I’ve definitely made several friends already, but none of them are Christian, and part of me (probably the judgmental part) thinks, how deep can our relationship really go? The problem is, I don’t really know how to strike out on my own and find other Christians when there’s no Manna to gather them all in one place. I guess the plus about being in Indiana is that people are more open/accepting of Christianity and don’t see it as a weakness (in higher academic institutions). I should be more open, cause I do think I’m being prejudiced toward a lot of things by virtue of being back in Indiana… And you, my old friends, keep me accountable please 
March 15, 2010
senior year: lesson 5
Truths I learned/relearned about God:
- God >>>>> me
- He is GOOD
- He is sovereign, the Rock greater than I
- He keeps His promises
- prayer is powerful
December 9, 2009
senior year: lesson 4
It’s funny how certain truths are reinforced through mundane things that happen in our lives. Recently, I’ve been reminded of how God promises not to give us more than we can bear. I’ve been sick the past few days which in turn has led me to be 10 times lazier than I usually am. I’ve gone to a grand total of 1 class this week (so far), which means I’ve skipped 5 (4 lectures and 1 precept). I’ve done virtually no work and have spent 50% of my time in bed. And even though I feel bad (sort of) for skipping so many things this week, I realize that its only through God’s grace working in my schedule that I can skip all that stuff and not be burdened by the guilt of doing so. I’ve been blessed with a relatively easy class schedule, virtually no homework for the remaining 1.5 weeks, and a laid-back timeline for thesis stuff. I look at the other busy bees around me (especially the juniors…sheesh they have craaazy lives) and I realize I could not afford to be sick if I were in their shoes. It’s funny how so many little things come together to work out for the best, you can’t help but recognize that there’s a Bigger Planner up there. Oh, and the icing on the cake: Karen’s mom has been staying with us for the past few days, which means yummy (and nutritious!) home-cooked food, an uber-clean Spelman room, and a constant supply of oranges so I can get my vitamin C. Mothers are amazing.
October 16, 2009
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It’s been a while since I’ve had a spontaneous 2 hour lunch, the last time was probably sophomore year when manic busy-ness hadn’t overtaken my life yet. I’m reminded again of how meals are such a good mechanism of developing relationships (isn’t this the whole idea behind feeding freshman , and to take it further, of dating?). Being busy really robs you of the chance to sit down to a meal and not worry about what time to leave to get to your next thing. Of course, thankfully, today is a Friday which means no afternoon anything, which meant I could eat and converse at my leisure with someone I don’t get to talk to a lot. And the amazing thing is (I’m not sure why I’m surprised…shouldn’t I expect it from Him?), God really worked in our conversation today, even though at the beginning it had nothing to do with him. Suffice to say that I did not enter lunch thinking we would go from questions about thesis to questions about God. But He certainly works in mysterious ways and uses every conversation for His glory. RH said he was thankful for everything we had talked about, and though I was the one giving answers, I came out of it feeling immensely blessed and that I had received something precious as well. I guess 10 years later, it’ll be these moments that I look back on remember, and I hope that by that time the seeds Christ has planted will have borne fruit.
